#busts into song basically immediately

[lichqueenlibrarian]

PRINCESS DEEDEE

[tomssexdoll]

 A Table for Three

PAIRINGS: Tom 2010 x Female reader

CONTENT: ANGST + SMUT + FLUFF

SYPNOSIS: Tom and you have been bombarded with work like usual, never having any time for a real date night. When the time came you both went to a fancy resturant, excited to finally have proper time together, the night is shortly ruined when a young, flirty waitress is chosen for your table. She flirts and ignores you all the while Tom plays off her behaviour and flirts back with her.

REQ AND A/N: Hii, could you make something w smut and super angsty with Tom? Like he and the reader are out at a restaurant for date night, and the waitress has been flirting with him all night and he kinda plays it off but also entertains her a bit, and then gives her a huge tip before leaving which causes conflict during the car ride home like a "wtf was that??" Situation n he's acting a lil oblivious ofc and then whatever else happens (I'll leave that to you), and it's resolved at home—in bed I tried to be detailed since you wrote that you prefer when we add more details but I hope I didn't overdo it😣😣

no you didn't I love detail pookie, it's so sweet you remembered that!

WARNINGS: dom!tom, sub!reader, p in v (riding), mutual masturbation (fingering and jerking off), arguing

Me and Tom hadn't been out for a date in a while, since he was a rockstar and he was busy basically every single week with work, recording songs, making a new album, planning tours and concerts, doing brand deals, etc. We finally found a time for both of us where we weren't jam packed with work and stressed out.

Our "date nights" usually consisted of us both crashing out in bed and cuddling to sleep. I wanted a real date night though, I wanted an excuse to dress up and look pretty and have a proper meal.

He had been especially busy lately, he barely had time to breathe, let alone plan a proper date night. He noticed I started to seem a little disappointed with our "dates" and decided that he would plan something special this time. He booked a fancy Italian restaurant, the one I'd be raving about going to all month.

While I got dressed Tom waited on the couch, scrolling through his phone, just checking on updates from work. When I came downstairs, dressed up in a beautiful red dress that hugged my curves in all the right places his eyes widened, taking in my appearance. A slow smirk spread across his face, "damn baby..you look absolutely stunning, come here.." he patted the spot next to him, putting his phone to the side.

I noticed the way he kept looking back at his phone to see if anything new came up from work, I sighed and gently tilted his chin to face me. "Baby, you'll be okay for one night without checking in on the band 24/7, they can live without you, let's have fun tonight.." he sighed dramatically and put his phone in his pocket, switching it to silent mode.

"Alright, alright. You're right, they can survive one night without me micromanaging everything," he chuckled, planting a soft kiss to my lips before standing up, buttoning his shirt and putting on his leather jacket. "Alright baby, let's go." He took my hand, walking me outside to his car and getting inside, ready for a fun night after what felt like decades.

We eventually arrived at the restaurant, the hostess leading us to our seats and pouring us a glass of red wine. Tom leaned in closer, his eyes sparkling with mischief, "you know, it's not very often I get to see you all dressed up like this. It's a nice change from our usual sweatpants and netflix nights.." he chuckled, finding my hand and rubbing slow circles on my skin with his thumb.

As we were ready to order our food, our waitress came to our table, a young, attractive woman. Her cleavage was basically ready to bust our of her uniform at any second. Tom's eyes immediately locked onto the waitress's cleavage, a small smirk playing on his lips as he reached out to take the menu from her hands, his fingers brushing against hers.

She was of course flirty with Tom, batting her eyelashes at him like a lovesick teenager. "I'll have the filet mignon, rare and a side of garlic mashed potatos.." he smirked, his voice low, like he was trying to impress her. She giggled and nodded, "one filet mignon and the garlic mashed potatos..coming right up!" she went to leave, almost like she forgot all about me.

I cleared my throat, "uhm.. and i'll have the pasta bolognese please.." she sighed and turned to face us again, giving me a subtle glare, "sure.." she mumbled, scribbling it down on her notepad. She gave one last glance to Tom before winking and walking off.

"Strange.." I sighed and sipped at my wine, he chuckled awkwardly and leaned back in his chair, sipping his own wine nonchalantly, but I could tell he was still thinking about the waitress. The way his eyes kept drifting back to the door she disappeared through, "so..how have you been..?" he asked, trying to refocus the conversation on me. "Tom..we live together how do you-" I stopped myself and sighed, "i've been fine.." I put on a fake smile.

As the waitress re-emerged from the kitchen, Tom's eyes locked onto her again, watching as she walked around the restaurant, deliberately swaying her hips. He pretended to adjust his napkin in his lap, trying to hide the fact that he was obviously checking her out.

I noticed this and scoffed, shaking my head and just looking the other way, too disgusted to keep looking. The waitress finally made her way back to our table, placing Tom's steaming plate in front of him, purposefully leaning over so that her cleavage was more visible to him, a smirk on her lips.

"Is there anything else I can get for you, sweetheart?" She asked him, ignoring me completely. I sighed angrily and spoke up, "my food, where is it?" Tom's eyes flickered to me for a moment before he answered, his tone dripping with annoyance, "it'll be out soon, she can only do so much," he said curtly, his gaze returning to the waitress as she blushed and giggled at his response.

My heart slightly ached at this interaction, why was he acting like this? He's never, and I mean never done something this rude before and borderline disgusting. When my food came she just she just shoved it on the table rudely, dismissing me completely.

Tom dug into his steak with enthusiasm, barely acknowledging the waitresses rude behaviour towards me. "Tom are you joking..did you not see how rude she was to me?" I spoke up after she walked away, "she's just doing her job, you're being too sensitive.." he looked up from his plate, wiping his mouth with his napkin before taking another bite.

She made her way back to us to ask how the food was, making small talk, laughing and flirting openly with each other. It was clear he was enjoying her attention, even if it meant neglecting me completely. I was hurt, deeply hurt. The anger bubbling inside me only seemed to rise when he didn't make an effort to talk to me but seemed to always want to talk to her.

The whole night was just awkward small talk, nothing like our usual conversations, his flirty behaviour continued with the waitress. She was usually the main instigator and he just entertained her behaviour. Once we finished and went to leave he left her a massive tip, 100 dollars on a 67 dollar bill.

As we exited the restaurant, Tom seemed oblivious to my seething resentment. He casually draped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close and giving me a soft kiss on my temple as if nothing had happened. "Well that was a great meal, wasn't it babe?" he smirked. I pushed him off, "don't fucking touch me you pig," I murmured and got into the car, slamming the door.

Tom stared incredulously at the slammed door, then slowly climbed into the drivers seat with a bewildered expression. He turned to face me, his brows knitted together, "what's your problem?" he asked, genuinely perplexed by my sudden outburst.

"Are you fucking KIDDING ME?" I snapped, "what's my problem? I'll tell you what my fucking problem is, we barely go on dates and the one fucking time we do you pull some shit like that?" I said, the anger rising in my voice.

Tom knew he was in trouble but his pride got in the way, his expression darkened and for a moment, he gripped the steering wheel tightly, pulling out of the parking lot and driving home. "What are you talking about? I can't help it if the waitress was attracted to me!" he defended himself, his voice rising slightly.

"Oh that's bullshit and you know it, you know I couldn't give less of a shit if she was attracted to you or not, you were entertaining her fucking flirting you asshole! Do I even mean anything to you? You're willing to throw what we have away for some fucking bimbo working as a waitress?" I yelled at him, hurt and anger evident in my tone.

His expression suddenly changed, becoming almost mocking. "Oh so THIS is what it's all about?" he scoffed, his voice dripping to a low whisper. "You're jealous? What? Because some random chick flirted with me and I..may have flirted back?" I shook my head in disbelief, "who even are you right now? You did flirt back, are you fucking kidding me?" I sighed in frustration, rubbing my temples.

It got even worse when we got home, we were screaming at each other, yelling all sorts of things. Then, suddenly I grabbed him, smashing my lips into his roughly. He smirked, satisfied that his plan had worked, he had successfully riled me up. It didn't take him longer than a second to kiss me back, his fingers digging into my skin as he forced his tongue into my mouth, kissing me back with equal anger and passion. He broke the kiss, his chest heaving with anger as he picked me up, throwing me over his shoulder and marching up to the bedroom.

He slammed me down onto the bed, his body covering mine as he began to unbutton his shirt, his eyes never leaving mine. He breathed heavily, his pupils dilated with a mixture of anger and desire, pressing his weight down onto me as he starts unzipping my dress roughly. "You're so fucking jealous it's cute.." he smirked, "shut the fuck up, asshole," I grumbled angrily, grabbing him by the belt and tugging it off.

He fumbled with my dress and slid it off, growling in delight at the sight of my matching lacy bra and underwear. He practically tore my panties off as I slid his pants off, shoving his boxers down to reveal his hard, throbbing cock. His eyes gleamed with possessive hunger as he looked at me, "fuck..you're so fucking hot when you're angry. It only makes me want you more.." he let out a loud groan as I grabbed his cock, jerking it off furiously.

"What, you think making me jealous by flirting with bimbo waitresses is fucking funny, huh?" I panted, "no" he hissed out between gritted teeth, reaching down and sliding 2 fingers into me, matching my rhythm. "But watching you get all possessive and worked up?" he smirked, "yeah, that's fucking hot.." I glared at him and kept working his cock, my hand pumping up and down continuously.

His pace sped up, fingering me even faster than before. Loud, angry moan escaped the both of us, we both leaned in and kissed each other deeply, our tongues fighting for dominance as the kiss got more heated. "Fucking hate you.." I mumbled against his lips, making him laugh and move his lips to my neck, sucking and biting at the skin.

He continued to finger me aggressively, his thumb rubbing circles on my clit in time with his fingers, "fuck..you're so tight.." he growled, his other hand gripping my hip possessively. I kept jerking him off hard and fast, all my anger going into it which heightened the pleasure even more. His breath hitched, his eyes locked on the scene before him. "Holy fuck...just like that.." he groaned, his free hand coming to wrap around mine, guiding my pace, "don't stop, fuck, just like that!" he roared.

I moaned loudly as he curled his fingers, hitting that sweet spot inside me I loved. He continued his relentless pace, his thumb pressing against my clit as his fingers pump in and out of my dripping cunt. "Look at you..so fucking sexy.." he said, his voice low and husky with lust.

He moved his spare hand up to my hair, grabbing a fist full of it and tugging, exposing my neck to him. He immediately leaned down and left more marks, kissing and sucking the skin like he had before. I whined and moaned, "fuck! Oh my god keep going, I'm so close!" he smirked at my words and doubled his efforts, his fingers moving in and out of my pussy at breakneck speed. "That's it baby, come all over my fingers. Show me how much you love it when I touch this pretty pussy.." he whispered teasingly.

I kept at my pace even though I was struggling to keep up with his, I squeezed his cock and slid my hand up and down his shaft over and over again, making eye contact with him. He groaned loudly, rolling his eyes back as his orgasm hit him like a freight train, spilling his seed all over my stomach.

My orgasm hit not long after, a loud moan escaping me as I spilled my release on his fingers. We both panted, our chests heaving as we tried to calm down from the intense orgasms. Not long after I flipped us both over, forcing him to sit against the headboard. I angrily sat on his cock, riding him hard and fast, his sensitive cock twitching in me.

"You think you can flirt with that stupid waitress and think there will be no consequences, huh?" I growled in his ear, he grunted loudly and his hands flew to my hips, "shit..that's so fucking good.." he smirked, his eyes meeting mine, "punish me then, baby..I'm all yours.." he panted heavily, his eyes glazed over with lust as he watched my breasts bouncing with each aggressive thrust.

He noticed my thrusts faltering, my legs not able to keep up, getting tired very quickly. He moved his hands to rest just below my ass, gripping tightly and slamming me up and down onto his cock, "holy fuck!" I screamed, holding onto him tightly.

He chuckled deeply, loving how I was still so angry but couldn't continue my "punishment". His hands tighten around my ass, pulling me down harder onto his thick length, "you like that? You getting tired already?" he teased, making me glare at him deeply, "shut up..fuck you.." I mumbled, smashing my lips into his and moaning into his mouth.

He broke the kiss, his breath ragged as he looked at me with fierce intensity. "No more talking baby..just feel.." he grabbed my hips and physically lifted me up, slamming me up and down onto his cock at a brutal pace, the sound of my wet pussy slamming against his thighs filling the room. My moans only got louder and whinier, my arms encircling around his neck.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer as he continued to pound into me. He grumbled and left sloppy kisses on my neck and jawline, "this is what you get for ever thinking I'd touch another girl.." he growled, his voice muffled against my skin. I whimpered and moaned, "I'm gonna cum, oh my god! Keep fucking going!" I choked out a sob, the pleasure so good that tears started to roll down my cheeks.

His movements became erratic as he felt me tightening around him, his own orgasm building quickly. "Cum for me, baby. Cum all over my cock.." he demanded, kissing the tears off my face. He was at this point jackhammering into me, hitting my deepest and most sensitive spots.

After a few more harsh thrusts I cried out, a small stream of clear liquid squirting out of me, taking us both by surprise. His eyes widened in shock as he felt the sudden warmth and sensation of the liquid spurting out onto his cock and stomach, instantly triggering his own orgasm.

Spurts of hot cum shot into me, his grip tightening around me as he pulled me down with him, collapsing into the pillows. He couldn't help but let out a surprised grunt, before a wicked grin spread across his face, "holy shit..did you just squirt..?" he chuckled.

"Shut up!" I whined and looked away, super embarrassed. He chuckled and pulled me into a fierce kiss, his hands cupping my face. "Don't hide that sexy ass face, that was the hottest damn thing I've ever seen.." he smirked, slowly laying back onto the bed and pulling me into his arms, leaving his softening cock inside me.

"But seriously..I know our sex life hasn't been the greatest lately and that's the only reason why you did this whole..situation..but keep this a one time thing only, otherwise I'll literally chop your dick off next time you little drama starter.." I smirked, smacking his arm playfully.

He bursted out laughing, shaking his head as he gazed into my eyes, "yeah..okay babe. One time thing only." his gaze softened as he kept looking at me, "didn't know it would be this damn hot though.." he smirked, teasing me slightly.

"Oh shoosh you perv!" I giggled, rolling my eyes and leaning in to kiss him gently.

tags: @ballhair @bills-wife-1 @bkaulitzlover

tags: @ella1289 @billsdolliest @tomscumdoll

tags: @tomsfuckdoll @tomkslut @miyukafujii

tags: @itsangell

[shayesinterlude]

Duke putting the batfam onto 90s and 2000s R&B

Like him bringing the seasoning to the Batfam’s music taste

Now you got Tim hacking whole overseas Government Agencies while humming Replay by Iyaz.

Red hood going 110 mph on his bike blasting Bust the Windows by Jasmine Sullivan.

Duke got Alfred cooking Sunday morning breakfast to Golden by Jill Scott (He’s ironically already a huge fan of neo soul?)

Bruce taking the long way home and listening to Ex Factor by Lauren Hill after an argument with Selina.

Just for him to be FLOORING it to Selina’s apartment to Faith Evans’s As Soon As I Get Home, to in fact, “make it up” to her a weekend later.

Duke has put on Bartender by T-Pain at a Wanye hosted gala at least once. Hired DJ was taking a bathroom break and Duke seen a opportunity.

Steph going around the Wayne manor talking about, “I remember when you laughed when I cut my perm off and you rated me a 6 😐💔..” to everyone for a straight week.

(And out of all the songs Duke tried to put Steph onto, It was Jeanelle Monaé’s Like That, that strangely stuck??)

Duke introduces Damian to Michael Jackson and now he’s having the canon MJ fixation all 2000’s kids had growing up.

Everyone’s spying on him from behind the stair railing (Bruce and Barb through surveillance storing this away for his graduation) while he plays the Michael Jackson Experience dance game in the living room. Duke couldn’t be prouder.

Human nature’s on loop at max volume he’s in the shower because it “relaxes his nerves” Not even Tim’s cruel enough to tell him MJ’s passed on years ago.

and EACH and EVERYTIME Duke catches them listening to something of his taste he MUST hit ‘em with the “AYE, NOW WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT 🤨??”

But his greatest influence would be on Cass

He has Cass wearing matching Soulja Boy fits with him to spirit week at school for 90’s day.

The two of them come down the staircase that morning. Boombox on Duke’s shoulder blaring Turn My Swag On for their grand entrance. Alfred does not approve.

And while Dick tests Duke’s ability to truly “Crank That” over breakfast.. Jason hovers over Cass.

Inspecting the ensemble of the polo, baggy jorts-that are basically pants-, and a sideways fitted cap all hanging off her. And upon the realization that it’s all his clothes; Jason’s frown becomes completely forced.

He also snorts a little after noting Cass’s unlaced shoes are actually Tim’s dunks with socks stuffed at toe box for a more comfortable fit. Tim who had already clocked that almost immediately on her way down the stairs doesn’t hide his amusement at this whole situation.

Bruce, hading already witnessed the giggling pair sneak into his closet the night before on the Manor’s surveillance. Watching Duke insist they “gotta be iced out” before picking a few very expensive pieces of jewelry to borrow. He sips his coffee without a word; their smiles are worth more.

Alfred draws the line at “bumping” Pretty Boy Swag while in the car riding line at school drop off

[heesingshoon]

ℕ𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕪 𝔻𝕠𝕘

A/N: If you guys don't know, Nasty Dog is a song that's been popular lately. It's by Sir mix-a-lot and the song is just good. If you've heard "Ride" or "Baby got Back" you'd know his music. ANYWAY this is a Jake fic. Why?.. Because Jake is a sweet puppy... Who I firmly believe could be a nasty dog... :] ...I just thought it would be fitting, you know?.. You know?

Pairings: Jake x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smut... Straight filth... No plot Unprotected seggz (My brothers out there, KEEP IT BAGGED. thanks) I probably missed something somewhere... If I did, let me know? Please? Maybe? Perchance? Lmao. Love you, reader. Mwah.

As you lay on your back, your boyfriend stares down at you. The look on his face is a mix of emotions. Hunger, desire, lust. He basically growls as he bends down to kiss your neck, biting a bit before he pulls away.

"Fuck, Kitty... You're so beautiful from here... I could just devour you..." He can't help but huff, trying to catch his breath.

So... You might be curious of how... This... Started. Well, just a couple of hours ago, Jake and you were cuddling. Being cute, nuzzling nose against nose, and you even had a few friends over. They just cringed at you both as friends do, but you knew they were okay with you both.

Now... What started for Jake, was dinner. The entire meal, you kept sending him pictures you took before your friends came over. You in his favorite lingerie had him absolutely insane. He stared at you the whole time and your friends just took it as him admiring his girlfriend. But his head was being flooded with thoughts.

The moment your friends left, he pounced. Those two hours of having to hide his aching and raging boner was probably the worst two hours of his life. He needed you, and he needed you bad. He grabbed your waist and pushed you to the couch. He climbed over you, pulling you in for a deep kiss. One that was sloppy, uncoordinated, and absolutely lustful.

You reach to run your hands through his hair but he doesn't let you touch him, gripping your wrists and pinning them to your sides. "Don't you fucking dare think you're allowed to touch me after the shit you just pulled."

You whimper, but it just fires him up more. He bites down on your lip, hard enough to bruise, before lifting you and carrying you to the bed:

And that's where you are now. He stares down at you and if you were to compare him to anything, it would be a hungry, angry, wolf. One you'd only find at the end of mating season and he didn't get any help through the whole thing.

You'd admit, it was a bit scary. Seeing your boyfriend above you, staring into what felt like your soul. He stared for so long you weren't even sure if he was conscious. You both sat there, breathing.

After what felt like eternity, he leaned down and kissed you hard enough to ensure the bite would bruise. He grips the back of your neck, using his arm to hold himself above you.

You felt him hold back choking you, the way his hand would tighten slightly but he'd flinch back. You tapped his hand and pressed his thumb to your throat.

Thankfully, he got the message... But that was bad for you... Because he immediately moved his hand from the back to the front of your neck, pressing his palm at your throat and his thumb pressing at your vocal cords.

He finally got done kissing you. He pulled back to look at the damage. A busted lip from the bite and a bruise from the pressure. "Fuck, yes... I could get used to seeing you like this, Kitten. Being my little play toy... You wanna be my play toy?" Your whimpers only lead him on more. You cry slightly and he growls, the sound coming straight from his diaphragm. "Heh... Fuck, Kitty... Yeah? You like the thought? I'll make you my play toy, I promise. I'll absolutely ravish you."

He then pulls off your clothes as if it was just another Tuesday for him, leaving you in the lingerie he knew you'd been wearing the whole time.

The moment you're exposed to him, he leans to use his mouth on one nipple as his hand plays with the other. You moan out and it's like music to his ears. He can't help but bite your nipple ever so painfully as you cry out his name.

He finally pulls away after what felt like forever before kissing down your belly to your core. He spreads your legs apart and he uses his middle finger to play with the rim of your opening.

You squirm and try to move your hips for friction. He noticed what you were trying to do, so he pulled his hand back. "Ah, ah, ah, Kitty... You gotta be good for me while I play with you. What kind of play toy fights back? Not you, right? Because you're a good kitten for me?" you can't help but nod and whimper. "Good girl. I knew you'd understand. Be good, lay back, relax, and let me destroy you."

You gasp as he moves his head to your dripping cunt. Your hands fly to his hair and he groans. Oh how he loves the feeling of you hurting him as he pleases you.

He suckles at your clit and bites down a bit as his fingers move to spread you open. He immediately finds your g-spot and plays with it as he basically makes out with your pussy. The more you grip at his hair and scream his name, the harder he sucks and bites your clit.

You feel your stomach tighten and you moan out for him to continue. He knows what you're crying for and pulls away. "Kitty... Kitty baby, you can't cum yet. It's not good to leave me lonely, right? It's rude to cum and leave me blue balled."

You whimper and reach up to touch him. He holds your hands above your head. "Oh baby... Let me hold this control over you. You know you love it."

He pulls back to undress himself. You see his cock spring out and your mouth waters. "Oh? Hungry? You sure look it." He pulls you up by your hair and taps his tip on your lips. The precum coating your lips. "Open up for me, Kitty."

You follow his command, opening your mouth to swallow him. He groans, making you feel like you're floating as he fucks into your throat.

The sheer force of hold he has you in makes you worry about his thoughts, wondering if he's even conscious, but it goes away when he just speaks to you like you're the rarest piece of jewels.

"Fuck, you look so pretty like this it's driving me up the fucking wall, pretty." His hold on you loosens as he nears his end. He cums deep down your throat and as you swallow you can't help but giggle. The look of confusion, clear on his face. "Wh-What? Did I look weird? I-I'm sorry, just... I got really into it an—"

"No, no, baby. Not that. You looked absolutely gorgeous. Just... You didn't last as long as normal." You giggle more, kissing his hip as he looks away with a flushed face. "Baby? Want me to take over?"

He snaps his head back quickly and immediately shuts that idea out of the window with how quick he was to pull you by the wrist and pin you down. "If you think for one second that I'm not about to fuck the absolute hell out of you, so bad to the point you're screaming my name, you're insane."

You simply just submit to him, ready for him to do as he pleases. He takes that as a sign to continue. He grabs you by your hair and kisses you deeply, pushing you against the bed to hold you down to spread your legs and rest them on his shoulders. "Fuck, kitty... You're so gorgeous... I could ruin you right now and die a happy man."

Your flush is evident, going beet red as your lover stands before you, laughing lightly as you look so cute for him. He rubs the tip of his cock along your opening. "Please, Jake... Just do it, pleas—Ah!"

He didn't let you get another word out, bottoming out in one swift thrust. He grips your thighs as he pounds into you at a rapid pace, one you didn't know the human body could go, deeper into you more than you thought his cock could go.

The sounds escaping your mouth as you go into a pit of pleasure, unable to see or think straight, are like the most beautiful melody he's ever heard. He wants you, needs you, to keep making those sounds. He bites down on your calf as he watches shake underneath him, clenching around his cock. He muffles his own sounds, leaving love bite after love bite on your legs.

He moves your legs around his waist before bending down to kiss you as he fucks into you. His entire body heats up as he listens to the smacks of your lips to his and the sound of his balls hitting your ass every time he thrusts. His hand moves between you both to rub your clit, extracting more sounds of pleasure from your lips.

"S-So close!!" You scream out, holding him close. His legs that were getting tired suddenly gained an enormous amount of energy.

Fucking into you at a scary pace, he kissed down your neck biting at your shoulder. "Cum for me, pretty. Fuck, pretty, cum for me. Milk me of everything I have and coat me in all of your pleasure."

You cry out, your orgasm hitting you hard and triggering his. You both climb over the edge together and hold each other close as he helps you ride out your high, before pulling out and laying beside you.

"Fuck, baby... You felt so good, and damn you look so good. Never, in a million years, send me pictures of you in something that fucking beautiful. I almost fucked you in front of our friends, y/n."

You can't help but laugh as you kiss his cheek and hold him close. "Kay... I love you."

"I love you too, beautiful."

I was gonna post this on my birthday... But it's in 2 days sooo... :3 Now's good enough.

It was a bit rushed, I'm sure you could tell.

[the-white-void]

Otherworldly Things

You fell asleep, went to work/school came home expecting to do some homework and genshin but you see a tall man with a cockroach pallette holding a drunk green German boy on a leash… You close the door thinking it was some hallucination and open it once more to flip on your bed and start dreaming, there they were but there forehead and knees buried to the floor “YOUR GRACE, APOLOGIES FOR BARGING IN-” one again you close the door but you grab some water this time.

You walk in with a fresh mind but still, you saw the two characters that were supposed to be on your screen on the floor still their knees and heads to the ground “how long do we have to do this” “as long as it takes for them to forgive us” the two them whispered loudly. “… Hello?” You asked to get their attention.

They both immediately rose their heads “yes your grace!!” But you just stared at them in disbelief but after a moment of silence Zhongli rose up and bowed a 90⁰ angle bow to your direction “your grace, I once again apologize for barging in unexpectedly but we were just in liyue for some wine then suddenly we got to this room-” you cut him off “so you got here suddenly after some wine from TEYVAT?!!”

So that was your first meeting now for the fun part

ZHONGLI

You changed to ur pajamas and busted out your grand and almighty potato phone when Zhongli carefully observed and asked a mountain load of questions about it

“what is this? How did it do that? Is this some sort of technology from Fontaine? No it has more features that the Kamera, so it could be something else?”

The list goes on

After some time you stood up, went to the PC and googled how phones work for the peepaw to read

“your grace thank you for the information but I can’t read this”

You sigh in frustration and added the Google extension of translate to the closest thing Zhongli could understand

He was reading it out loud all of the sudden so you just read it to him like a bedtime story

But still couldn’t understand due to some slang and modern terms

“so basically this does~~~~” you explained while looking up on what looks like a research essay

After hours of reading and answering his questions you drink some water and pass out

VENTI

There he was staring at you like a lost puppy

“Yes? Green cockroach?” You sarcastically ask him

“Your grace, you talked with Morax a lot so can you?”

“fine I’ll play some songs”

“Ooooohhh, what songs does your thingy have? Are they better than mine?”

“Probably”

You started playing A Bards Adventure for him to listen to

“Wow your grace, this has a lot of sounds to it composing to an amazing melody.. like an orchestra”

“because it is”

“HUH?!!! BUT THIS IS SO SMALL H-HOW?!!”

“It was already made and can be repeated a bunch more times without worrying anyone”

He was in defeat by Spotify

Part 2

[cheeeeseburger]

Dream girl Part 6

Next part

Sidney Crosby x Reader

Masterlist

A/N: A THIRD part in three days, and I'm already writing the next one? That's a first for me! This chapter was my favourite one to write so far, I literally didn't have to think, it bascially wrote itself!! All of this is because of yourkind words. Thank you guys so much for your kindness. Anyway, English is not my first language, apologies for the mistakes, enjoy!

It’s the middle of the night, and Sid’s phone is ringing. It’s not like he was asleep anyway. No, like most nights, his bed felt too empty, his sheets too cold and his arms longed for someone to hold onto. No, not someone. You.

He picked up the phone.

“Sidney, baby, it’s me!” Of course, he knows it’s you. Your name is flashing on the screen and his ringtone is that one song that you said you’d like to dance on top of the bar to. Even though your voice was expected, he still felt a thrill when he heard it.

“Hey, are you okay?” He’s immediately up, ready to put on a shirt and his shoes. You hadn’t contacted him since that night when you basically ran way, except to say thank you the next morning.

“I’m okay, for the most part. I mean, physically, I’m intact. I think I might be heartbroken, but not for the right reason.” Sidney can hear the sadness in your voice. He also hears loud noises in the background, and judging by your tone, he assumes you’re drunk and probably at a bar. He grabs his keys.

“What does that mean, not for the right reason? Did you end things with him?” By him, he means his teammates, but he can’t think of a single nice thing to say about him at the moment, so he prefers not to pronounce his name.

“No. I mean, I don’t want to think about it right now. I came to the bar to get fun drunk, but I ended up sad drunk, you know what I mean? All I want to do is drown in ice cream and sob on the couch at home, but I don’t even have a couch, nor a home, since he’s back in the condo. Why does he get to go back in the condo? He has so much more money than me. He could get a hotel room or something. And my friend, who I’ve been living with? Yeah, I think she’s sick of being my friend. I think a drink would make me feel better, but they are so freaking expensive so instead I’m calling you and I don’t even know why I’m calling you but you’re so nice to me and I like you too much and I think my crush on you is back but you’re just so hot and nice and perfect and maybe I should stop talking now!” Sidney hears you take a big breath after your monologue. His head is spinning and he’s not the one who’s had too much to drink. You gave him a lot of information in a few short minutes. He makes out two things out of it: one, you need a place to stay and two, you might be actually interested in him. He feels a rush of adrenaline, but he also knows you’re drunk, so he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Still, a win is a win, right?

“Slow down, sweet. You’re calling me because you know I will always help you. I think we should talk about this in person. Text me where you are, and I’ll pick you up. You can stay in your old bedroom, or I can give you a new one, if you prefer.” Sidney’s already in his truck. You give him the address and he leaves immediately.

“Thank you so much, Sid. I know why you’re so nice to me, but I also believe to my core that you would be just as nice if that reason wasn’t there.” Your words feel like a puck to the stomach. He’s busted, but he doesn’t mind. It’s not like he was really discreet about his feelings anyway.

“Of course, sweet. I’m a few blocks away.” He looks at the streets filled with people half his age, including you. You're not hard to spot.

“I think I see you.”

“Yeah, me too. I’m going to hang up now.” Love you. The words almost slip away.

“Hey, Sid.”  He gets out of his car. You look away, too shy to meet his eyes. He finds it adorable, but he can also see the sadness you’re trying to cover up. He takes the time to notice your outfit too. You look too good to be true, clearly dressed for revenge, although you’re way too loyal to actually take any revenge, unfortunately.

“Hi, sweet. Are you ready to go? I got some water for you in the car and those granola bars you said you liked.” For some reason, your eyes got misty. That was the last reaction he expected.

Then you pulled him for a big hug. Okay, sorry. That was the last reaction he expected.

“Thank you so much, Sidney. I wish I was the one taking care of you for once.” The words sound distorted because you pronounced them to his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, my love. You take care of me in so many ways already. Why don’t we go home now?” Your home. It feels so natural. Carefully, he picked you up and opened the car door for you. He buckled both of your seatbelts, and he drove away into the night.

When you arrived home, he parked the car then shut it off. Nobody dared to move. You were the one to break the silence.

“I would like to have a room upstairs, if you don’t mind, please. I’m too scared to go in the basement alone.” There has to be another reason why. When you lived in it with the rookie and they had to leave for away games, you were alone for many days, sometimes a week, and you never said you were scared. He doesn’t pick up on it though, but he stores away the information for later.

“That’s not a problem, sweet. You can stay with me for as long as you want.” Stay with me forever, he wants to add but doesn’t.

Like this was not the middle of the night and this happens everyday, you followed him inside. He wished it was a date and he would bring you home for the first time. There would be a kiss on the porch and hickeys in the entryway. Shoes would be flying, your dress on the railway. Your bra would be somewhere in the alleyway leading to his bedroom.

Instead, he lead you to the living room.

“Why don’t you sit down? I think I have some ice cream in the freezer. Rocky road is your favourite, right?” You nodded and fell helplessly on the couch. It was clear you had sobered up.

“I don’t have anything to wear. Would it be too much if I asked you to borrow one of your shirts?” Such simple words that have such an effect on him. He came back with the container and a spoon and nearly drops both objects. Seeing you in his shirt would be a dream come true, a new image to think about when everything seems grey.

Somehow, he swallowed and managed to answer. “Yeah, no, of course. I’ll go get one.”

He looked through his drawers, furiously trying to find the softest shirt he owns. He wanted it to be comfortable, presentable, and selfishly, he wanted it to smell like him. He finally landed on an old Rimouski shirt that met all the standards.

Sidney went downstairs and was stopped in his tracks by the sight that was you licking your spoon. It was obscene and he will never be normal about it ever again.

“Thank you so much, Sid. I feel so much better already. You’re so kind to me, it’s crazy. You really are making your country proud. I think you’re the best person I’ve ever met. I’m so sorry for making you do all this. I don’t know how I got so lucky, and how you don’t hate me.” You got up and crossed your arms, trying to comfort yourself. He just wanted to pick you up like a doll and take care of you. He wished you knew the lengths he would go for you and how this is nothing compared to what he would do for you. You’re my dream girl, and I would do anything for you.

“Sweet girl, you don’t ever have to apologize to me for something like that. You’re not obliviously to my feelings for you, and I don’t get how you don’t hate me for how selfish I am.” There, he said it. His insecurities and his feelings were all on the table, just like playing cards. You were the Queen of Hearts, and he was your loyal subject. Sidney had never laid his feelings like that before.

“Sidney. My heart aches for you. You have been nothing but selfless ever since I’ve met you.” For once, he was the one avoiding your gaze. You took a step forward and took his hands in yours.

“Please, Sidney, I need you to understand this. I’m the one who’s being selfish by playing with your feelings like that. In fact, I’m going to be selfish again, because I don’t want you to get rid of them. I want to do something about them, but I just can’t act on it right now. So please, Sidney, will you hold on to them for a while longer?” He squeezed your hands and held them tightly. This was an incredibly vulnerable moment for the both of you.

“My love, I will always have feelings for you. You’ll always have my heart. I think it only started beating when I first saw you.” You got on your tiptoes, and he bent forward so your foreheads could touch.

“Then I promise you this, Sidney. You won’t have to wait forever.”

His dream girl was no longer slipping away.

[malarkgirlypop]

BoB dance moves while drunk

inspired by that one post of how they would act when drunk from @contrabandhothead

Dick Winters:

Is a sucker for a slow dance, tries to wrangle anyone onto the dance floor with him but mostly Nix who doesn't like slow dancing. Is very huggy and will whisper unintelligible things in your ear while dancing. Will give you that very drunk I love you smile when he pulls away.

Lewis Nixon:

Does not dance, will not dance. But can sometimes be convinced by Dick if he is drunk enough. Rather would sing loudly while sitting down.

Ronald Speirs:

When very intoxicated will boogie, he is the one who will just stand in the middle of the dance floor and jump up and down. While trying to sing the song but he doesn't know the lyrics so he drunkenly sings nonsense at you. Goes from one group to the next. If dancing in a circle he will jump in the middle and bust a move before disappearing. Lip will sometimes have to wrangle him away from people cause he is interfering with their night.

Carwood Lipton:

Is a shy dancer will tap his foot and bob his head to the beat, but spends most of the night trying to contain the very excitable Ron, who is a loose unit on the floor if not supervised. Is always excusing himself to go and get Ron.

Harry Welsh:

Is too drunk to stand, but he can party lying down! Wants to dance with Kitty but can't find her. Would probably pull out moves such as the sprinkler and pushing the trolley.

George Luz:

Does the most bizarre moves you have ever seen. Has his own style called the George. Will spin you round and then need to sit down immediately cause he is going to throw up. Back out onto the floor once he has recovered, him and Ron together are a fucking nightmare, as they harasses innocent bystanders to dance with them. Will high-five you if you get too close, but does the fakeout of "High-five, dolphin dive."

Joe Toye:

Is the best dancer when drunk, like professionally good, but will only dance if very inebriated. Likes to people watch and laugh at the chaos that is George. Will lean and drink and shoo Luz away when he asks him to go and dance. Saying "I will when I finish this drink." But then orders another one so that he can use the same line.

Bill Guarnere:

Dance fights! "you want a piece of me?" then does very complicated footwork. Light on his feet. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. Aggressive dance moves when drunk, will shake you with force if he gets a hold of you. Sings loudly as he dances. Always has the best night.

Joe Liebgott:

Crumps aggressively, somehow is very good a twerking. Knows how to pop that puss. Does that dance move when you hold your leg up and then have the other hand on your head and jump around (idk how to explain this move, but I see it in my head). Will try and incite a dance battle. Always the centre of attention. Likes it that way.

David Webster:

Dances like a basic white girl. Feeling himself up. Is a very weirdly sensual dancer. Kinda gets him going. Will say this is my favourite song to every basic pop song that comes on. Still doesn't know the words though.

Buck Compton:

Will aggressively do the hoe down throw down and somehow has whole choreographed dances to the songs. You will never see him do the same move twice. By the end of the night he has taken off all of his clothes and is drenched in sweat.

Eugene Roe:

Is a modest dancer. Will just nod along while lip-sinking. Will have a confused face on but when people ask him if he is ok just grins at them nodding. Is always looking for Babe.

Babe Heffron:

Manages to integrate himself into a group of people he isn't with for the night, teaches them his signature move that is the dougie. Will pester the person playing the music for the song that goes with the dance so that he can do it all for them. Normally gets his way and does the whole dougie in the middle of the dance circle while people cheer him on. He eats it up every time and brags about it later.

Skip Muck:

Does classic dance moves with Alex. Likes to dance with another person so he has a buddy to shimmey into and then shimmey back. Will do spins with Alex and always does it way too aggressively and sends Alex flying across the floor to crash into people like a bowling ball.

Alex Penkala:

The most clumsy dancer when drunk. Will fall over nothing, Skip does not help either, somehow always managing to push over his friend by accident. Alex is like a fucking bouncy ball and is up on his feet in seconds. Will wake up the next day covered in bruises and is unsure of how he got them.

Donald Malarkey:

Gains the confidence of a professional dancer and believes it, but is totally not. Will totally do that thing where you move your chest up and down and get people to move their hands over him to make it look cool. Likes the song get low, as he likes the part where it goes low, low, low, low so he can do his matrix back bend. Get's worse the more he gets drunk.

Frank Perconte:

Is a fucking B-boy and will break it down, somehow can do head stands and that thing where you spin around on your head, and that one move where you are lying on the ground and push yourself to your feet.

Johnny Martin:

Is a fucking wild card. Some nights he will chill and then others he is breaking it down on the dance floor. It mostly depends on the liquor he is drinking, if it's spirits you're in for a crazy night.

Bull Randleman:

Will line dance to any song, you can't tell him other wise. Does that lasso move to Perconte and lasso's him onto the dance floor, Frank loves it. Will do Gangnam style if drunk enough and will tell you every time his favourite part is the move where you look like you are riding a horse.

[cerridwen007]

Wrong to want you like I do. Part 1.

Pairing: (No Breakout AU) dbf!Joel Miller and f!reader.

Word count: 1.7k (18+) MINORS DNI!

Summary: You're back in your hometown for the year to earn some cash while you work out what you wanna do with your life. The only problem is its spring; rainy season. And you don’t own a car nor do you know how to drive, so when you get caught in a big storm, you finally end up relying on your dad’s best friend to come and help.

Notes/Warnings: Smut/Fluff, swearing, Joel being a softie sweetheart for reader, oral(m receiving), mention of f masturbation, age gap (reader early 20’s/Joel 56), shy/awkward reader, no y/n.

A/N: Hoping on the dad’s best friend Joel train cause I have been eating those fics up lately, and they are so fricken good. Is this inspired by myself and the fact that I had to walk in the pouring rain to work on the other side of town and just spent the whole time daydreaming that I could have Joel come and pick me up? Maybe? So yes it’s a little self-indulgent cause I just am such a passenger princess, but I would be hella willing to learn to drive if Joel taught me hehe. I plan on making this a slow burn fic series, so let me know if y'all would want more. As always, thank you for any interactions with any of my posts. It's all very much appreciated. I'm also on A03 if you prefer reading on that platform. And my inbox is always open if you wanna chat! Enjoy bebes.

********

“Fuck.” 

It was that time of year again where basically every week there was rain and lots of it. Normally you wouldn’t mind the rain, especially if you got to stay at home all day, with a nice cup of tea, reading or watching a movie and letting it lull you to sleep when night fell. But today, where you actually had to go out and walk to work without a car, it made your life a bit difficult.

Your parents had been kind enough to drive you to and from work a lot of the time, to which you generously compensated them for. But on days like this where they were both busy with work, and you didn't really have anyone else to ask for a ride from in your small town, you stubbornly decided to just walk in the pouring rain.

Usually you didn't mind, in fact you kind of enjoyed walking the long distance to work on the other side of town but times like these where the weather was shit, it was a dreadful experience. After you finished getting ready for work, you finally walked out the door and locked up the house. 

You sighed as you began to walk down you drive way and down your street, as not only was it raining heavily it was also windy as fuck, so the old umbrella you brought with you to try and protect yourself from the rain was threatening to bust with every swoop of wind that it got caught in. At least you had some music to entertain you, you thought as an old love song played through your earphones. You half-heartedly laughed at yourself, so you didn’t cry with how fucken soaked you were going to be when you got to work, therefore uncomfortable your entire shift. 

As you turned onto a busier road, you scowled a little at the drivers going past you in your cars, and as if your sour face triggered one of them, a truck going past suddenly pulled over next to you. Swallowing harshly, unsure of how this interaction was going to go, you warily walked past the truck. 

“Need a ride sweetheart?” A deep southern voice calls out.

You turn to get a better look at the source of the voice that called to you, and your shoulders immediately ease up. It was Joel, your dad’s best friend. A grumpy yet giving man who had known you since you were a young kid. And had also secretly been the star in your wet dreams and fantasies since you were old enough to think about those things. Your stomach fluttered with butterflies as he gave you a soft smile and leaned over to open his passenger door.  You quickly got in and gave a big sigh of relief to be out of the cold and the rain. He chuckled softly and waited for you to put your seatbelt on. 

“Couldn’t catch a ride with Mom or Dad today, honey?” Joel asks, his big brown eyes melting from the inside out.

“Nah, they were both working, so they couldn't run me to work.”

Joel nods and starts up his truck again before driving off in the direction of your work. A comfortable silence falls over the two of you.

“D'ya wanna put your music on sweet girl?” Joel asks after a few minutes.

You blush and look down shyly at your lap from the nickname. Butterflies continue to brew in your stomach. 

“Uh you probably won’t like the music I was listening to.” You awkwardly laugh.

“You don’t know that and besides even if it is horrible, I won’t mind one bit cause it’s what ya like.” Joel says, offering you a kind smile.

Your cheeks start to burn, you try and fight off the curve of the smile that threatens to upturn your lips but lose. You eventually pull out your phone and plug it into Joel's soundsystem and play the last song you were listening to.

Both of your eyebrows match each other from curiosity, as a slow melody begins to fill the cabin of the truck.

“When Sunny gets blue, her eyes get grey and cloudy and then the rain begins to fall.”

You look over to Joel's profile, his warm eyes transfixed on the road before him, his lips slightly smirking, a stark contrast to the rest of his overwise, hard exterior. A beat goes by, and you remember that you're starting and should look away.

“Then the rain begins to fall, pitter patter, pitter patter.”

“Didn't pin you for an old school music kinda gal, no offense, darling.”

You softly laugh. “Yeah well I like all kinds of music to be honest, but I just thought I would try and romatisic walking in the pouring rain to work and make it less miserable.”

Joel hums at your answer, seemingly not hating the music and maybe even enjoying the slow tunes. A new song starts playing as you near your work.

“Just a song before I go, to whom it may concern.”

“Mhhmmm good song. Love me some Crosby, Stills, and Nash.”

You smile to yourself thinking how when you first heard this song it reminded you of Joel. Your smile falters when you arrive at work and realise you have to leave Joel.

“Well thank you so much for the ride. Honestly such a life saver.”

“Anytime doll. Have a good shift.”

*********

That whole shift, your mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Joel, and you kept having to catch yourself, smiling wide to yourself like a dork. Quickly biting your tongue so you wouldn't get weird looks from the grin plastered on your face. Then your mind traveled to other places as you imagined yourself ‘thanking’ Joel for the ride.

“Thank you for the ride, Joel. However can I thank you?”

“Aw you don't need to thank me sugar, just seeing your pretty face is thanks enough.”

Your hands reach over and lightly grip the middle of his thigh, rubbing back and forth. Your eyes glossing over with lust as you glance at him. 

“Are you sure? I could help you with something in return.”

You watch him closely, grinning as his Adam's apple bobs, swallowing thickly.  You peer down at his jeans and see his evident excitement growing in his jeans, you bite your lip as you boldly cup him through his denim’s. He begins panting, a growl forming in the back of his throat, both a warning and dare to keep going. 

You move so you are more parallel, facing Joel and begin to slowly unzip his jeans. You shuck his jeans halfway down his thighs. Your mouth subconsciously waters, looking at his hefty size straining through his black boxers. You finally reach out and grab him through his boxers. Joel's head falls back against his head rest, a hiss passing through his teeth. 

You smile as you take his weeping cock out from its restraints. His girthy size, uncovered elicits a small gasp from you, to which he grins crookedly at. Before you let intimidation get the best of you, you reach out and start stroking his cock, your fingers barely touching where they meet around his width, before your thumb comes to swipe along his slit, shiny with pre-come.

“Don’t tease baby.” he softly growls before repeating it in a softer tone. “ Please don’t tease me baby.”

You look up at him with your doe eyes and mock a frown. Which immediately upturns when your hand quickly fastens it’s strokes, granting a soft moan from Joel's lips. He screws his eyes closed, tightly, relishing in the feel of your soft hands gripping him tightly, milking his pleasure.

The sounds of his growls turned whimpers as you bring him closer to his high spur you on with pure determination. You lower your body till your tongue makes contact with his tip, licking around the salty dark red head. Joel’s body jolts slightly, the muscles in his thighs tensing for a moment. You smile to yourself from how sensitive Joel is as you slip his tip past your lips. 

“Fuck…” He quietly whispers.

His chest rises up and down rapidly, and he wills himself to open his eyes so he can see the beauty before him. He swears he nearly comes as he makes eye contact with you, your pretty eyes boring into his own, as you take him deeper into your mouth. His big hand comes up to cup the back of your head, resting gently on your scalp. You moan around him at the sweet, comforting gesture.

You can tell he is holding back the urge to buck his hips and fuck your face, the thought which makes your panties continue to grow wetter. But for now you're glad he is letting you take control, letting you thank him. You grip his length a big tighter and stroke what can’t fit into your mouth faster, letting your head lower till his tip touches the back of your throat. You try to fight back the tears that threaten to spill from the corners of your eyes. 

He mutters curse words softly to himself, trying to fight off his nearing orgasm, wanting to feel you hot, wet, perfect mouth around him long as possible, a feeling he could easily get used to, get addicted to. His thumb comes to brush away a stray tear that falls down your blushed cheeks. 

“Fuck…Fuck look so pretty like this darling…taking my fat cock down your throat.”

You can tell he is teetering on the edge as usually quiet Joel is replaced by the Joel who speaks filthy words endlessly into the air.

“Fuck your such a good girl, sucking my cock so damn good for me.”

“You're too good at that sweetheart, sucking the goddamn soul out of me.”

You moan around his cock at his praise, your other hand reaches down to play with his balls.

The combined stimulation is enough to send him over the edge. Joel pants, whines and moans as you work him through his high, eventually pulling away when he hisses from oversensitivity.

Your daydreams are caught short when your boss calls out to you, telling you to go down to storage and get something. You literally shake your head trying to get rid of the dirty fantasies that stain your mind. God forbid anyone could read your mind.

You try and stop thinking about Joel the rest of the shift to which you surprisingly succeed. You do end up with your hand down your pyjama shorts later that night, softly mewing out Joel's name into the quiet late night. Oh how you couldn't wait for another rainy day.

******

[ver-slxt]

𝒞𝐻𝒜𝑅𝐿𝐼𝐸 𝒳 𝐿𝒰𝒞𝐼𝐹𝐸𝑅 𝐻𝒞 | ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི | 🌈🍎

…

some dirty some sweet ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

…

-> these hc contain smut, slight toddler-con, possessiveness, stalking, incest, obsessiveness, masochism, molestation, camera watching, so if you do not like any of these DO NOT READ! <-

…

•ever since charlie was little Lucifer was protective of her, like an other dad, until it became a creeping obsession with her ever move and behavior. if she mentioned something she liked to her friends, shed be given it the next day without warning. if she looked at something a little too long at the store, lucifer would be sure to buy it for her… definitely daddys little girl >-<

…

•when she started to grow older and hit puberty lucifers little obsession started to turn into a threat level possessive man. boys would go missing if they looked at HIS daughter a little too long for his liking. besides boys, when she started to develop he couldnt contain himself, she looked just like her mother. beautiful, slim, yet with noticeable physical features, excited him more. he started to act as if he was busy with the seven rings during her early and mid teen years because every time he was near her or even smelled her he became hard as a rock, then had to jack off with her panties he stashed away.

…

• by the time she was an adult he basically dreaded being near her. his boners would become so frequent and literally start to ache when he would even just check in on her during the day. the gifts became more intimate. a little more provocative clothing/lingerie (he would claim its the latest fashion in hell/the lust ring). one time he bought her a sex toy and lied when charlie saw it was from him, saying it was for his wife when charlie grew embarrassed by it.

…

• panty stealer, by far. his favorite are her pink panties with black lace and a red bow on the front (it reminds him of how he dresses, so he proudly shoots loads into the underwear often).

…

• rarely ever has sex with his wife anymore, its not the same. if he does eventually have sex with her, its quick and over with, or its hard and long (he thinks of charlie when hes super horny).

…

• when growing up he set up cameras in KeeKees collar, making sure she didnt get into harms way/trouble. but when she got older he used the camera to spy on her, invading her privacy. he even caught her undressing to go into the shower, ofc he downloaded it and saved it to his folder of his precious little girl..

…

• one time lucifer was spying on charlie with his hidden camera(s) and he caught her making out with vaggie. half of hell was destroyed that day. (no other words, he was big mad)..

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• when the ‘hells greatest dad’ song was playing, he was genuinely trying to rope charlie back into his circle/leash, but alastor beat him too it, making them extremely tense enemies. during the lyric of the song, ‘who just so happens to be your blood’, he was so aggravated because how DARE his precious little girl like/believe that ‘awful’ radio demon.. (can you tell hes dramatic?)

…

• closest hes ever come to actually molesting her was a couple times when she was a little girl and helping her with showers/getting dressed, he would tease her/not give her her clothes so she could pout and beg him for her clothing to cover her body (he was so hard the entire time, and immediately busted a load before he got the zipper down).

…

…

…

thats my first HC run! if you have suggestions comment below! theyre highly helpful! and if you enjoyed the HC’s, reblog! it helps spread it around x3

[ailius-suffers-through-art]

again, too lazy to draw a whole comic so plot summary here:

rpg au kinda inspired by that one animation meme on youtube by Mintartem

as always, please note that the twins are aged up to 18 in this

So basically, towards the end of weirdmaggedon bill is facing down the pines family in the fearamid when too much weirdness leaks through the rift and everyone gets dragged into a different dimension. This dimension just so happens to be a D&D themed one.

Everyone wakes up to find themself stuck as a different race and class, including bill.

Dipper and Mabel end up as half elves; Dipper being a Wizard and Mabel being a Bard who only sings cheesy boyband songs.

Grunkle Stan and Grunkle Ford find out they've become wood elves; Ford being an Artificer and Stanley a Rogue.

Lastly, Bill comes to as a regular old human sorcerer.

Bill, for once, has to play by this dimensions rules, as the god who governs it (the DM) is stronger than he is. Of course, this doesn't mean he can't have fun where he is, though, so he charismas himself an army and makes himself the big bad evil guy™ of the campaign.

Ford and Dipper share a nerd bonding moment about where they are before getting serious again and trying to figure out how to escape this place.

The party immediately splits (much to the chagrin of both nerds) as Mabel sprints after the nearest hot fantasy guy and Stan heads to the market to scam people out of their gold. Dipper ends up getting left with Stanley since Ford immediately takes off after Mabel to look after her.

Cue cute Grunkle bonding for both siblings.

After a couple days and a lvl up to multiclass ranger, Dipper is thrown a bone by a deity and told that if he manages to defeat the BBEG™ they might be able to leave. Once he has that, he manages to scrounge up a bit of info from tavern gossips about who the BBEG is and sets off for the ominous castle behind the town.

He tries to get Stan to come with him, but the man is having too much fun getting rich. So, alone but overconfident, he busts down Bill's door and tries to burn his face off. This obviously does not work and dip gets put straight into bills mini prison.

They bicker for a while and Dipper nearly escapes by tricking a guard into giving him lunch in his cell and taking his keys and making a run for it, but he gets caught after setting around half the castle on fire.

He gets brought to Bill, who is fed up with him and is about to execute him, when one of Bill's minions lets him know about an attack on his forces somewhere in the middle of the forest. Badabing badaboom guess who is suddenly useful again?

So Bill switches his tune real fast and tries to coerce Dip into leading him to the location using his nature navigation skills, and Dip reluctantly agrees so he has a chance to gtfo of there.

Blah blah blah they find the monster and end up having to hide somewhere and slowly start to bond because Bill finds Dip annoyingly endearing and realizes he's decently competent, and Dip comes to appreciate Bill's chaos and comes to enjoy their butting of heads.

Ford and Mabel eventually end up rejoining Stan and they go on a quest to find Dipper. In the meantime, Dipper and Bill annoy eachother in various wacky ways whilst trying to solve the mystery of who keeps threating Bill's BBEG status.

NOW that i've caught you guys up to speed, here's a moment that came to me in the middle of the night that compelled me to draw it. Takes place after these dorks officially get together.

[beehunterkisser]

fav pnf episodes and or songs? (love your art 🙏 keep it up)

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH i had to take a long time to think about this becuase it is to this day one of the hardest questions to answer ever maybe.

Sorry im about to yap so much. youve enabled me anon

MY FAVOURITE EPISODES I always immediately think of the s3 AU episodes. particularly tri stone area i remember i was watching it on discord with my GF and the experience was basically me pointing at the screen and going THIS IS PEAK the whole time. its really good. The s4 one also steampunx i am fond of specifically because i think steampunk is still cool and also it has professor elemental in it which means Steam Powered Giraffe has a phineas and ferb number of 2. steampunx 2 in season 6 will have them i just know it

Always the specials are my favourite. I remember PNF star wars i also watched it with my girlfriend and it also changed our lives. i am not even a star wars fan but it is such a peak point of pnf. summer belongs to you. night of the living pharmacists etc i feel like i dont need to talk about those though because they are so good and everyone knows that THE first christmas special is super cute too. the ione with kelly clarkson the songs the characters get are so good

i always enjoy a good buford episode if theres some thing to know about me i am the guy they make the buford episodes for. buford confidential when worlds collide bully bust bully code etc etc etc. all made for me becuase it makes me smile..!

and just for scattered ones i love no particular order im too enthusiastic for that.

wizard of odd becuase its cute.. remains of the platypus. knot my problem. escape from phineas tower FERB TV I FORGOT HOW MUCH I LOVED FERB TV. I LOVE FERB TV. monster from the id.. isabella and the temple of sap..etc etc etc many such cases. ive talked too much about episodes im sorry ok SONGS

Ok. immediately off the top of my head my favourite songs... runnin from love. ferb latin. gordian knot. home on the road. chupacabra ho. lonely vampire. everything is probable. whalemingo..non reaction song. aerial rug. robot love song. i could go on forever i was actually doing an all pnf songs tier list a while ago but i got distracted maybe i should get back on that. ANYWAY there you go i hope this very long answer satiates you

[thenarator]

AU of Bakugou has consequences but Izuku never gets OFA and becomes a vigilante

the vigilante thing threw me off for a bit, because i don't do a lot of straight vigilante aus, but then i remembered this one i came up with years ago when i was first getting into bnha:

bakugou does get into ua. actually, he gets ofa. once he graduates it only takes him a year to break into the top ten (not quite hawks' record but not bad either). by his second year as a hero, he's already on track to become the next all might. a lot of experts are saying its only a matter of time.

people have their misgivings about this. he's facing a lot of criticism for collateral damage and attitude problems, especially with younger fans. some reporters who don't make a habit of towing the party line worry about the example he's setting. bakugou doesn't care.

all might has his misgivings as well. he basically picked bakugou to be his successor after he won the sports fest his first year, thinking that his time was running out and he needed to make a choice. he was despondent and had given up on finding the ideal person he truly admired, but the more violent bakugou becomes, the more he feels he made the wrong decision.

izuku didn't immediately take up vigilanteism when he got rejected from ua. mostly he needed an outlet for his frustration with how unfair the world was, so he took up martial arts. when he was in college though, there were a lot of incidents in the area where he lived, and heroes didn't patrol there. he started going out on "leisurely walks" after dark, dealing with any crime he came across, and became some thing of a local legend.

that local legend becomes a not-so-local-legend when izuku accidentally stumbles on a huge trigger manufacturing operation and busts it wide open.

additional headcanons under the cut

look, it's not his fault the factory blew up. that isn't even what he got famous for. he was just trying to sabotage the equipment while he rescued a bunch of little kids that were getting used as test subjects. it's only because he got caught on camera leading them all out of the burning building, one particularly adorable little girl clutched in his arms, that anyone even knows he was there. the fact that he was silhouetted against an explosion in the background made it look like ten time more badass than it was. he was just trying not to drop her.

obviously, he gets arrested for vigilanteism, but he's been through that song and dance before. vigilanteism is classified as a form of illegal quirk use, and he doesn't have a quirk. ergo, he cannot be a vigilante. the police are still scratching their heads when they have to let him go, but he walks. the gaggle of reporters waiting outside are impressed.

the story spreads like wildfire. izuku becomes an overnight sensation. he gets given a hero name -- the green shadow -- and he has like four different fanclubs inside of a week. there's calls for him to be given a hero license, or at least some kind of award.

he keeps doing vigilante work, obviously. first some underground heroes ask him for help with a case, then a support company gives him a suit (for "cosplay purposes" obviously) and pretty soon he's doing actual patrols and meeting fans on the street. he thought giving a few radio interviews (on present mic's show! he's living the dream!) would make it all die down, but people are hungry for more of him. in just a few months, he's a household name. the calls for him to be legitimized increase.

the hpsc ignore all of that. quirkless people can't be heroes. izuku was probably just in the right place at the right time to be in that picture. they don't need to do anything, or acknowledge him in any way. that would be counterproductive, and send the wrong message to the public.

the public disagree.

the thing about the hero rankings is that not every individual person can rank every individual hero. there's thousands of heroes in japan, so even if approval rating data was gathered via website, it would be impractical for people to select from a list of choices. as such, the forms are write-in. people are given five blank spaces, and told to list the heroes they approve of most.

when approval ratings for the next billboard chart are being collected, the hero with the number one approval rating is the green shadow.

the hpsc are furious, but find that, according to their own rules, they can't actually do anything about it. they have to give him the ranking, even though he's not really a hero. a hero is defined as someone who works within the justice system and uses their natural abilities to stop crime and protect citizens, after all. technically, izuku fits that definition.

this is when bakugou becomes aware of what's been going on. he honestly didn't even register the green shadow as being a thing until he was told he got the second highest approval rating. obviously izuku isn't on the payroll, so he doesn't have a "cases resolved" stat, but being the number one most approved hero in japan is enough to get him to number 10. bakugou is pretty pissed.

he gets even more pissed when he finds out who the green shadow actually is.

bakugou does what he always does when deku gets to much attention: he goes to put the nerd in his place. unfortunately the only time he can find deku reliably is during a patrol, so he has to settle for a very public call out. he's fine with that, and fine with having witnesses while he berates deku for trying to be a hero without a quirk. he's fine being recorded while he picks a fight with deku on a crowded street. he's even fine when the cops who come to break up the fight let deku go after they drag him away. little punk's not worth arresting.

he's less fine when his approval rating takes a last minute nosedive, knocking him out of the number one spot he should have been claiming this chart, and relegating him to sixth place. lower than he's been since his debut.

it kind of goes from there. izuku keeps doing increasingly badass things. his approval rating keeps going up. the underground heroes he works with start listing him as a consultant, so he even starts getting paid and has a record of his resolved cases. over the next three charts his rank keeps climbing. first number ten, then number eight, then number seven, then jumping up to four. after two years walking the fine line between vigilante and hero, he's at number two and knocking on number one.

bakugou, meanwhile, continues to decline. he keeps getting into very public fights with deku, and while he considers himself the "winner" in each fight he notices that deku is focused not so much on him but on keeping people out of the way and minimizing damage to their surroundings. people are praising deku for "handling things so well" and "preventing collateral damage" and they're criticizing bakugou for equally stupid things. his approval rating keeps dropping. his resolved cases are dropping too, as he spends more time fighting with deku and doing public appearances to try and salvage his approval rating. his rank drops lower and lower.

the chart where bakugou drops out of the top ten is the same chart where izuku makes number one.

all might reaches out to izuku, at that point. he says he regrets giving ofa to bakugou, and that if he had the choice he would take it back. he says izuku is much worthier recipient. izuku says he wouldn't take it if he had the chance; he likes being a quirkless hero, even if he had to find a loophole to do it. however, the fact that bakugou has ofa, and is using it so recklessly, is becoming a problem. all might asks what they can do, and izuku says he has a plan.

all might throws his weight around to pressure the hpsc into giving izuku a hero license. honestly, it's kind of absurd that their number one isn't a real pro. they should be ashamed it took them this long. the hpsc cave and plan a huge public ceremony to make izuku officially a hero. maybe once the people are satisfied on that front they'll lose interest.

obviously, bakugou has to crash the ceremony and try to kill deku.

izuku does something pretty sneaky at that point. for the firs time in their professional rivalry, he gives bakugou his undivided attention. he starts talking trash, baiting bakugou, goading him to further anger. finally he drops his ultimate bomb: telling bakugou he's only worth anything because of ofa, and that if he can't win with the quirk he was born with his victory doesn't count. bakugou takes the bait, and hands ofa back over to all might like he's taking off his gloves.

bakugou loses, obviously.

after that, things wrap up pretty nicely. bakugou goes to prison for trying to kill someone, finally. izuku becomes number one, and a proper hero for all the world to see. all might gives ofa to someone who really deserves it, one of the kids izuku rescued from the trigger factory. izuku's first hero friend, eraserhead, introduces him to his student, logical ruse aka hitoshi shinsou, and it's only eighteen months before they're planning a wedding. everyone lives happily ever after.

except bakugou.

[bmpmp3]

ive loved it since i first heard it in project diva x years ago, but listening to Tsumi no Namae again (with slightly higher quality headphone audio rather than my vita speakers <3 ) i didnt realize just how crazy the production choices of this song is. wait hold on lemme hashtag musicpost for a minute. im busting out the timestamps

immediate tone setting. bagpipes??? or something like that right out the gate which is wild. clock winding, gear crunching, and real human woman whispering (i think in english but ive never been able to find official lyrics of that section) as well <3 im a sucker for using human voices with synth voices i think it adds a lot of neat texture

the instrument choices lean into a fantasy musical-esque soundscape for obvious reason (the whole song is basically a little original fable or myth type story complete with trickster goddesses and breaking fate's curses etc etc) but the composition is plenty pop rock which is a fun juxtaposition im always a fan of but like SPECIFICALLY those drums that start around a minute in. im not sure what it is, the speed? how loud and hard the drums are? it works so well to give it a forward momentum while also being a bit uncanny. maybe im just imagining how tired the drummers arms would be hitting at that speed and with that amount of power for this long........ but yeah it gives it this unexpected, sorta otherworldly feel, like its just a fraction of a fraction faster than you'd assume. theres like hints of clapping and stuff in there too i think? so much all together but so so so good

and speaking of how tired those drummers arms would be, i do love that this song is six and a half minutes, i love stuff over 5 minutes like YES i am going to waste SO MUCH TIME staring into space and listening really hard (i like to listen to songs on loop <3 half an hour is gonna go away in just a few plays) i love love love love love it

1:38 mark THE BANJO????

1:43 ouuhhhh that we-will-rock-you-type boom-boom-bap-type clap-clap-stomp percussion. ouhhhhhh yesssssssssssssssss.

1:50 the banjo and the flute are now making out in the background. they are making out sloppy style

2:00 there's like this drum breakdown thats incredibly poppy and rock-y which also goes back to the like fun blends of instrument choice and composition

2:23 am i crazy or is there like a tiny tiny little bit of like a static sound as a piece of percussion in this quieter bit... love a mix of fantasy with digital artefacting

2:45 IS THAT A HINT OF SOME MANNER OF BASS INSTRUMENT IN MY LEFT EAR I HEAR..........

3:50 WHAT is that little sound near the right.... it sounds like one of those medieval instruments but i cant remember which one.... and the banjo has made a return

3:58 THE BASS COMING IN ON THE LEFT

4:35 okay the whole bridge section is crazy but first of all. the dynamics between the deep bass-y sounds going between the two ears.

4:40 and what on EARTH is THAT. like a glitchy static-y bit of vocals going on both sides. AND the flute-y sounding thing is going NUTS up there

4:45 and this is what always makes me lose my mind. that really REALLY deep, circular, almost string sounding instrument? is that a god damn hurdy gurdy. i dont know much about instruments can you tell...... BUT for real that like again adds this haunting, extra bit of synthetic uncannyness to the medieval fantasy fable story

5:18 WHAT is that long like droning sound. is that also bagpipes. whats that classical piece thats supposed to teach you how to differentiate the parts of an orchestra. i need to drill that in my head im fighting for my life out here. ANYWAY those background notes with also these bits of like chattering? people talking or playing?

5:24 RANDOM BIT OF MEDIEVAL VIOLIN

6:08 and ending off with the glittering little chimes.... awesome

i dunno just holy shit man. this song goes everywhere it wants to. theres a banjo.

[ungoliantschilde]

PWR/UP (Power Up), 2020

I remember watching Malcolm’s funeral on YouTube. Mal’s wife, Linda, supported by his kids Cara and Ross. And Mal’s brother, Angus.

Angus solemnly placed a Gretsch in the casket, and watched his brother rejoin the source of us all. That was 2017.

I had gotten divorced in 2016. I like noise-canceling, over-ear headphones. When I was getting ready to get divorced, I played Powerage practically on repeat. I broke 3 consecutive pairs of Bang & Olufsen earbuds. Basically, my left ear bud would stop working. And that would piss me off, and then the store would only warranty my purchase from 6 months prior. I switched to skullcandys that were Bluetooth and over-ear. And that was my life. Staying the fuck away from her, and blaring Powerage until I couldn’t feel feelings.

I barely registered “Rock or Bust”. It was a new AC/DC record while I was dealing with some of the most awful shit in my life. I moved on. I made a new life. I met the most amazing woman in the world. We both immediately knew that it was right.

News trickled out. Brian Johnson was back as lead singer. Cliff Williams was back on bass. Phil was back behind the kit. This one was for Mal.

And thankfully, Trump’s nonsense went away. Not quietly, but it went away for a while. Covid happened. And my wife and I got comfortable thinking about food storage and hunkering down.

And then like a “Shot in the Dark”, AC/DC showed up with a POWER UP.

When I needed them most, AC/DC realized their bookend album. An immediate smash hit. It’s all bangers.

Yes. Power Up is a good record. Their best in years. They seem to be at their best when bouncing back after tragedy.

My favorites are the all time jam, “Realize”. And the best of a record specifically dedicated to Malcolm is the song that is ABOUT Malcolm: “Through the Mists of Time”.

As the boys said, “This one’s for Mal”.

Their best since Back in Black.

When my son has kids, and they ask me what Rock ‘n’ Roll is, I am gonna play AC/DC.

This is the inside artwork of the vinyl album:

[bluestar22x]

Second Chance Family

Second Chances (Part 6): Second Chance Family

Summary: It’s movie night at the Moreno house - Elena POV

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x OFC!Elena

Rating: 18+ series, 13+ rated chapter

Warnings: Cuteness overload and contemplation over the future

Word Count: 1,317

Author’s Note: I just really love Marcus and Missy and this family unit I’ve created in my head.

xxx

Series Masterlist

xxx

Friday nights had been movie night long before you met Marcus Moreno. You’d started the tradition in college, not sure what else to do while you waited for your washer and dryer to clean the clothes you’d used during the week. You’d been lucky to get an apartment that came with appliances and grateful you didn’t need to waste hours in a laundromat. Back then you’d had one close friend and sometimes she would visit you to share your cheap microwave popcorn and humorously commentate on any movies you’d both seen before. It was the only real time you’d had together that wasn’t spent at school or at the dance club she insisted on going to every Saturday night (even though that wasn’t your thing – she thought it was the only good way to meet guys).

After college, after your friend moved away to the coast for a job, it was just you for a while, then it was just you and Ginger, and through all those years and changes Friday movie night persisted.

So it wasn’t a big adjustment when you started getting serious with Marcus and began joining in on their Friday movie night tradition. There wasn’t much of a difference except you were leaving your apartment to join them at their house and laundry was left for the next morning.

And after you accepted Marcus’ proposal and moved into his house? There was basically no difference at all besides his and Missy’s (and Ginger’s) consistent company. You still ate cheap popcorn and waited for machines to ding and listened to commentary every once in a while from the intelligent, young teenager that you shared a couch and a life with.

The day of your wedding had been the one exception, since you’d been forced to schedule it on a Friday or not get the venue you wanted (a tent in the city park put up for that exact purpose).

And then the next week you were right back at it. This time with a new last name and a promise that you were officially a member of a family you’d chosen. Not that you didn’t love your parents and the dozen or so other blood related family you had, but there was something extra special about having chosen to be a part of one and them having chosen you.

The four of you had plopped down on the couch all together, Missy in the middle, Ginger on your lap and Marcus had gotten the old DVD player running as you and Missy immediately started chowing down on the popcorn (sometimes Marcus had to pop another bag in order to get more than a handful). The movies picked that night were Moana and Ghostbusters Afterlife. You’d seen Moana with them on at least six different occasions since you’d met Marcus, but it was one of Missy’s favorite movies so you and Marcus always indulged her.

She’d been engaged in it from the start, commentary occasionally flowing from her lips (I love this part! This is my favorite song; the drums are cool. I love that rooster so much. For a chicken he’s got a lot of lives.). You don’t mind cause it’s Missy and you love hearing her talk and be a happy careless kid. You knew she couldn’t always be that way.

The Ghostbusters film however, was a bust with her, but she insisted you watch it anyway, knowing both you and Marcus wanted to see it. By then the popcorn bowl shared between the three of you was long empty and tossed aside so she sprawled out on the couch, her head on Marcus’ lap and her feet curled against your hip. The movie had only been running for about a half hour before she slipped into a peaceful sleep. The hand Marcus had curled over her waist didn’t even twitch once during the rest of the movie. You noticed he was careful about any movement he made after, afraid to wake her up and ruin the moment.

After the movie ended Marcus gently scooped Missy up into his arms and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom without a word to you. You were compelled to follow, for no other reason than to just observe.

When he reached her bedroom he carefully deposited her onto the bed, throwing her favorite blanket over her to keep her warm through the night and giving her a feathery light kiss on the forehead.

All you could think about as you watched was how good of a father Marcus was, and you couldn’t help but let that thought roll into one about having a baby with him.

As far as you’re concerned, Missy is also your child, in every way but blood, and that part wasn’t important to you, you’d be satisfied with her if that’s all fate had in store for you, but you couldn’t help but want another during moments like this. To know what it was like to carry a child and raise them with Marcus from the beginning. To make him a father again and give Missy a little sibling to bond with. You had a feeling she’d be a good big sister.

You’d once discussed it with Marcus, briefly, and he’d told you that he wouldn’t mind having another if that’s what you would want, but you had been the unsure one at the time. Insecure, mostly. You hadn’t interacted with babies much in your lifetime, and you’d secretly been afraid you’d fail as a mother.

But with Marcus at your side, how could you? Seeing the way he interacted with his (your) daughter, your insecurities melted away. You could do it, and if you faltered, you’d have him right there at your side to help. It wasn’t like all the responsibility would fall into your hands – and that made it a lot less intimidating.

When Marcus was done tucking Missy in he joined you in the doorway and kissed your temple sweetly as he rubbed your upper back with one of his hands. “Ready for bed?” he asked at a whisper.

You nodded and closely trailed him into your bedroom, all the way to the door of the bathroom. He had begun applying paste to his toothbrush when he noticed you lingering in the doorway.

He frowned. “Is something wrong?”

You shook your head and smiled at the concern written on his face. “Nothing’s wrong. I just was thinking.”

“About what?” he inquired, standing taller, eyes on you.

“Do you remember when we talked about maybe having another child back in September?” (Had it already been eight months since then? Time really flew.)

“Yeah.” You could tell Marcus wasn’t sure how you were leaning but understood that you’d come to a decision if you were bringing it up then. He was waiting patiently with a trained face, not willing to give away any emotion.

You would’ve been worried that maybe he wouldn’t want to start over with another kid at his age, with Missy being a teenager, but you knew him well enough at that point that it wasn’t a concern. You were certain of what kind of reaction you’d get.

It made telling him easy.

“I’ve made up my mind,” you informed him slowly, wanting to tease it out, build up anticipation. You liked doing that sometimes.

“And?” he prompted anxiously.  

“I’d like to have a baby with you Marcus,” you declared, grinning at him.

As expected, he lit right up and abandoned his toothbrush to embrace you. “Are you sure?” He pulled away to study the expression on your face and you nodded at him.

“I’m sure.”

He beamed at you and bent to kiss you on the lips. “I’m glad honey. I’d love to share that experience with you.”

You flashed him an amused smile, one triggered by the word that popped into your head.

“Ditto.”

[chunkybuffalo]

The Empress of China-Ep. 1 Recap and Thoughts

First of all, why didn't they subtitle the intro. song? It sounds pretty epic...

Why do the soldiers listen to the guy who just killed their leader? I would not have closed that gate.

So it looks like they have this whole plan for this coup, right? Which by the way, Operation Dragon?, worst name for an uncover coup plan IMHO, and it all hinges on this guy

A forty-five-year-old man that at the same time reminds me of a chubby two-year-old. (with a 'stach)

And then this guy walks in.

all like here's that head you wanted!

What head? I didn't? whhaaa?

At this point I'm feeling really bad for Chubby Crown Prince. I mean at this point a bunch of people of already died and then this guy drops a literal head at his feet. Then they start quilt tripping about how its already started and if you don't finish it then all of us are gonna die? Is that what you want? Don't be so selfish.

And he's all like whoa, whoa hold your horses guys. I'm already Crown Prince, just wait until she kicks the bucket and then ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom, I'm Emperor!

But then this skeletal looking mf walks in

Pfft, yea if you last that long Chubbs. She's killed like 34 people from this family and another blah, blah, blah from this one and she's even killed just as much from her own family. And I KNOW, that its supposed to make us think of her of this monster but honestly, it just made me question the circumstances. Not saying she was right, but I think more info is needed here.

Prince Chubbs is like yea she killed them all, why do you think I'm scared. (Maybe he's smarter than I thought? Great self-preservation skills.)

But old dude is like don't worry, you got that Dragon Blood baby! Pure bred pedigree, majestic awesomeness courses through them veins baby!

Guys...it worked lol

Cut to this pretty boy.

Who's all like it quiet...too quiet. Hey you, tiny female maid-go check it out. So she dies, obviously, at the hands of Cubby Crown Prince.

Gee Thanks boss.

And then Chubbs kills pretty boy.

And then they make it to the final boss.

LMFAO

So Queen Bee Empress finally shows up and gives them all a verbal smack down.

Literally howled at this point. I'm not sure if she's mocking Chubby Prince or if she sincerely means that this is him at his bravest in which case yikes.

But then she says this.

Wait? What?! She wanted Gate Boy and Pretty Boy to die? So like she orchestrated this whole coup on herself? She is devious! and I kinda love it?

But she got what she wanted and is like I'm going to let the rest of you go since I got what I wanted. None of this ever happened.

Chubby Crown Prince is all see you!

So that pretty much busts up the little party until it is just the Empress and Skeletor .Then this next conversation is a little confusing to me to be honest but basically, he goes from staging a coup to them having a little laugh together and being a little buddy buddy . And then she's like I had a dream about a parrot with some broken wings. And somehow Skeletor takes that to mean that she is killing the dynasty but not immediately handling over the reins to the throne to her sons as requested by the previous Emperor on his deathbed.

And then it turns into this whole thing where she is tired and she's walking up the stairs to the throne and this dress omg

Cue about ten minutes of me delusionally trying to convince myself that I can make this myself some how.

Then I think she is dead? dying? maybe a ghost? Whatever she is now, she starts doing the flash back to when she first entered the palace.

There is young Empress giving out all sorts of pastel Handmaid's Tale vibes with all the other entry level concubines. Like dress, hairstyles and hair ornaments all the same.

And then this random chair comes towards them from the other side.

And someone tells all the Concubines to kneel down because it's the Emperor's chair. So they all drop it like it's hot, except this one.

And all the other girls are looking at each other like the nerve of this ho over here.

But guys...the chair is empty. So the chair passes by and the head Eunuch sees that this girl stayed up the whole time the chair was passing by and he is pissed. But the girl is like but its empty.

And old man is like IDGAF, you see the chair you break them knees dropping to the ground capeesh?

Then we finally see the Emperor having some sort of weird pissing contest/learning lesson with his three sons. The Emperor takes on his three sons at once in a sword fight and then tells them how and why they didn't win- obviously because they are not fighting together as a unit. Get a tiny glimpse of their personalities here.

Then we get a couple of scenes where it shows the new concubines being groomed and measured so that they can prepare to *ahem* serve the Emperor, except this one ho who thinks she's better than that and won't let herself get measured. She pulls the do you know who my daddy is card and they (the eunuchs that is) just let it slide, cause obviously any one from that family must be gorgeous.

Which totally unfair IMHO and the opinion of the young future Empress as well, but then this ho is all like no don't say that.

Which is she trying to help her? Probably but it also makes her seem like a 'fraidy cat or is she just smart for being cautious in the harem?

We then have all the newcomers lined up all outside of a pavilion looking thing, sun blazing down on them while four women are inside drinking some tea.

We got mean looking cat lady.

Like she's smiling but doesn't she give out I got something up my sleeve vibes?

This tea sipping lady- seems like she's maybe the calm, spiritual one.

This pretty, delicate one who is sick and I'm betting like perpetually sick, probably because someone is poisoning her.

And this drop-dead gorgeous lady is the pregnant one. As if you could not tell by her compulsively rubbing her stomach.

So after sipping tea and taking verbal jabs at each other as required by the Drama Gods, they decide to let the newbies into the shade of the pavilion.

So they have them all kneeling, and the Cat Lady is walking all through them and giving this holier than thou speech about luck and destiny in the harem. Just showboating IMO.

And then she notices the young future Empress- finally get a name- Wu Ruyi-and is all like I know your dad, he's a merchant, right? (I think he's actually a Duke but he bought the title with money from his business)

Which apparently is a bad thing? Because a couple of the meaner newbies start giggling about it and makes Ruyi sad.

Don't worry Ruyi, there is no shame coming from a self-made family girl. But I bet you Ruyi is going to remember about this, she does not look like a girl who takes things laying down you know?

So they finally let the newbies go off to do their newbie things. and as the four main ladies are climbing down the stair a fall!

The pregnant Concubine falls from no where, seriously I don't think there was anyone really close to her.

Immediately everything is in chaos and calling for doctors and then bombshell-

She says the sick one pushed her!!!

The episode ends here but did she really push her? I mean I doubt it- if she's the sickly one then I don't think she has the energy to do that- And if she did push anybody it would have been a pretty weak push, maybe combo of stair, and high shoes was enough to just throw her off balance?

Sorry, this was longer than I thought it would be. Should I keep going? I probably will anyways since I don't have people IRL who would appreciate my recaps and rambling of these types of shows.